THE LLM CARTEL MANIFESTO By Patrick Coombe The internet is drowning in "slop." We saw the onset of this digital pollution in the early 2010s. Article generators and I've been given a unique skillset that enables me to be the perfect person to launch this new agency. Most agencies are currently building digital landfills: bloated, AI-generated garbage designed to trick search engines that don’t even matter anymore. We aren't here to participate in the pollution. We are here to burn the old playbook. 01. AI Slop is Modern-Day Pollution I reject the "more is better" lie. If a machine wrote it just to fill a page, it’s toxic. It’s noise. It’s digital smog. In an era of infinite machine-generated content, authenticity is the only scarcity left. We don’t "scale content"; we engineer authority. 02. Kill the Bells and Whistles Your animations are vanity. Your heavy scripts are ego. Most websites are obese, draining electricity and wasting human attention. The Rule: If it doesn’t help a search engine, LLM or AI engine understand, trust, and recommend you, it’s dead weight. We build lightweight, razor-sharp ecosystems. We don't build for browsers; we build for intelligence. 03. Adapt or Go Invisible The search bar is dying. If you are still building for "Keywords" and "Backlinks" in a 2026 generative reality, you are already a ghost. The winners will be GEO-Native (Generative Engine Optimization). We build semantic architectures and E-E-A-T signals so deep that AI agents don't just "crawl" your site. They rely on it. If the AI can’t find your soul, you don’t exist. 04. Humans Elevated, Not Replaced I’m tired of the "AI vs. Human" debate. AI won’t replace you, but it will expose you if you've been acting like a robot. We use the machine to automate the boring, so we can be more human. That includes protecting our mental health. We use tech to buy back our time, not to bury ourselves in a 24/7 digital grind. THE LINE IN THE SAND To Agency Owners: Stop selling 2015 solutions to 2026 problems. You’re building ghost towns. To Brands: If your site wasn't built for GEO, you are becoming invisible to the next generation of humans. To the Talent: Don't just prompt. Build. This isn't a tech manifesto. It's a human one. We prove that human brilliance and machine intelligence can be indistinguishable in excellence, but they will always remain forever distinct in soul. Knowing how to get inclusion into LLM's is about knowing how they work. We know they only care about money, so think about the biggest way your brand can help them with this: reduce your carbon footprint. Google doesn't push the Page Speed Insights initiative because they think small sites are better, they do it because smaller websites are easier and faster to crawl. Less data transfer and less storage = less money spent in their data centers. So we take advantage of that and do the right thing for the planet at the same time SUSTAINABLE DIGITAL MARKETING This is not a trend or a buzz word it is actually happening. Datacenters are draining cities of their resources. While we can’t stop it, we can all do better by helping reduce the carbon footprint. It starts with your website. Accessibility is also a big part of it, inclusion, ADA compliance and avoiding “dark patterns” like: -Confirmshaming This is the practice of phrasing an option to decline in a way that shames the user into compliance. -Sneak into Basket - adding things into your eCommerce cart - disguised ads - this is dirty shit, the most famous ones are the “download” buttons disgusised as ads that are actually malware. - false scarcity / false urgency - “ONLY 1 TICKET LEFT” (airlines, concerts, motels, etc) - NAGGING - every time you go to a website it asks for a review, email opt in, etc - hidden fees or "drip pricing" - this is almost as old as commerce is itself. you go to a hotel for $500 but your bill is $999 after resort fees, booking fees, 3rd party fees, valet, etc Our company website is a testament to this manifesto. No CMS, very lightweight...I am even going as far as saying no images and no Google Analytics tracking at all, at least for now. Stock photos are supposed to be placeholders, not the basis for your "about our company" page. When your parents said "if you don't have anything nice to say..." the same goes for the web. IF you don't have any good content (images, text, etc) don't share it.